Thinking back to this scenario I realize my parenting skills were a bit limited that day by a number of reasons. I have been more tired and stressed out than normal this week. Victor has been working crazy hours for the past 5 weeks and was out of town this weekend, then Lainey got the stomach flu. Tuesday my in-laws were coming so I was frantically trying to clean the house that day (with the trio). Our day started early because Carson got out of his bed so the kids were tired too. Erik's antics started right at nap time so I was trying to deal with him and put the other two to bed at the same time. I really really needed him to just cooperate and clearly he wasn't interested in that!
If I could have a do over I'd probably just ask him to go to his room if he couldn't stop whining. If he wasn't willing I'd have "helped" him to his room right away instead of hoping he'd go there on his own (with the threat of lost privileges). I do think his worse than normal behavior is partly because he was tired and partially because he's been needing some one on one time which I'm hoping to give him on Friday.
Good thing we get lots of chances to be good parents so we can make up for our less than stellar moments.
Original:
Why do kids do things that are so dumb sometimes?
Today at lunch, Erik got up from the table. I gave him one chance to come back and eat and he refused. So I told him lunch was over. I think he initially refused because I told him the next food choice was a carrot and peanut butter which he likes but didn't want at the moment.
Anyway, no big deal, right?
Well, he continued to complain, fuss, and fight about being hungry so I told him he needed to go to his room before I counted to five. If he listened, he could come down in an hour and get a snack. If he choose not to listen he would have to go to bed at 7 PM tonight (and still go to his room for an hour - that wasn't negotiable).
He didn't listen. All right, staying calm I said, I'm so sorry you made this choice but now you are going to go to bed early. You still need to go to your room by the time I count to 5 or you will lose $5 from your piggy bank.
Still didn't listen.
Okay - last threat while still calm. Go to your room or you'll skip your soccer game this weekend.
I said this as I went to put Lainey down for her nap which gave me 5 minutes away from the stinker. (Carson was in bed already.)
You guessed it. He didn't listen. In fact, he was peeling a carrot and scooping out peanut butter when I came back downstairs, clearly certain he would get his own way.
Not happening child.
So now, my last option was to move your behind now (before I get to 5) or you will lose the option of a snack (waiting until dinner for food) and I will swat your on your butt and take you to your room, in whatever fashion it requires.
Unfortunately, that is what is what he picked. So that is what he got. A very firm swat and half dragged up the stairs.
Why child? Why? I gave you so many good choices! Why ignore them all and end up with a consequence no one is happy about.
And not only one consequence. His total consequences for not listening when I asked him to come sit down at the table to finish lunch and then when he didn't listen and got mad about lunch being over ended up being....
1 hour in his room
7 PM bedtime
Missed soccer game
$5 out of piggy bank
A swat on the behind
No afternoon snack
Really kid? I don't understand.
I could have just skipped to the swatting and half-dragging but truthfully I hate that consequence and really it only happens about 2-3 X a year as he is generally motivated by losing privileges.
Tell me I'm not the only one with a child that at times is infuriating and so damn stubborn!
Any better ideas on handling complete disobedience?
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4 comments:
We too struggle with Zoê and she is only 2 1/2. This sounds very similar to lunch time on Saturday. I have learned that she is very independant and very strong willed.
A reading from Family Life Article:
"every day you have to decide where you'll draw the line — what behavior is permissible and what will not be tolerated. You'll have to be ready for battle every day until your child makes his own decision to stop battling. The hope is that his determination for control will lessen each day. But until he decides to acquiesce, I guarantee you that you will be pushed and tested. The more often you give in, the worse it will get, and the longer the process will take. If you hold firm, your strong-willed child will eventually give up engaging in many of the fights. Don't be shortsighted. Raising a strong-willed child is not a sprint; it's a marathon."
Try reading "Journey of a Strong-Willed Child by John & Kendra Smiley. Good Stuff
I have to be careful with what battles I pick. I don't let my self count because I think that tells them they can wait to obey. If I really feel like they're deliberately disobeying, I go for immediate consequence with no threatening before hand. I have days where I'm reminded I need to pray more and I feel motivated to read a book about strong willed children.
Oh and if Brad's home and I'm frustrated with them not listening to me I just say, "Brad, they're not obeying me!" and hope they'll listen to him.
The best thing a mom can do is contemplate her behavior and strive to do her best. You certainly do both. You're an awesome mom. Sending my love and prayers that your family gets healthy soon!
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