2014 has been quite a year for us.
During the first three months Carson was hospitalized with RSV, Erik broke his leg, I had multiple small surgeries for dysplastic nevi (and was informed my risk of developing melanoma is high), my grandma was hospitalized and almost died after having a stroke/heart failure, and Daron bravely fought against the leukemia one more time, passing away in late March.
Then just as icing on the cake, Southwest airlines forced us to drive 2,000 miles round trip to Daron's funeral because they refused to believe Kyle was under the age of two (he was a non-crawling 7 month old at the time.).
During this whirlwind, Victor and I were still responsible for the lives of 4 small children (one nursing infant who still got up 2 times a night) and three jobs between the two of us. It was very, very stressful.
When the storm "stopped" our lives kept spinning as we figured out how to regroup. We are different people and have responded to stress in different ways. This summer involved some floundering around and forced Victor and I to looked at how this stress impacted our marriage. It left some cracks for us to try and repair. We are working on that, and thankfully, ending the year in a better place than we started it.
Life is wonderful and difficult.
It will never be without trials or blessings.
I am so thankful to be surrounded by a wonderful family and friends, who have supported our family
constantly since this difficult period started (late 2011).
I am thankful for my 4 healthy kids, who provide a constant distraction from the heartache (good and bad distraction). ;)
I am thankful for my husband, who stepped up and carried more weight than was fair multiple times during 12/2011 - 4/2014.
I am thankful for my faith.
Heartache is real and the endings are NOT always the way we would chose them to be. My brother is no longer here.
Daron was the sibling closest in age to me and my first best friend. I miss him. A lot!
Nothing can bring Daron back but I rest in peace (somedays more peacefully than others) that he is no longer suffering and I will someday see him again.
Faith is hard, particularly since I am a science based black and white person. But I do believe that heaven is a real place and we have a gracious God who loves us, no matter what. I hope I live a long life, but when it is over, I can hardly wait to give my dear brother a hug once again.
During this time, I have found a few things, helped provide me with confidence that
God will carry us through our trials and reminded me that heaven is for real...
And a book I read one week before Daron relapsed again and
was admitted to the hospital for the last time...
And one last promise...
Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted
eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole
scope of God's work from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
We won't ever know or understand why things happen the way they do on earth.
Despite the many trials we have faced, and are promised to face again, I will continue
to try and hold onto the hope that God is good, hard things have a purpose, and heaven is for real.
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