Veil of Grief

Veil: (1) piece of fine material worn by women to conceal the face  (noun)
         (2) to cover, envelop, surround with as though with a veil  (verb)


I think it's safe to say, that grief has clung close to me during the past 4-5 years.  Losing Daron was a bit of a soul crushing experience.  He died just over two years ago, but was sick for 2.5 years prior to that, and grief was chasing me that whole time.   It was just hard.  Plain and simple.

Then as soon as Daron passed, my husband started immediately acting out, ultimately leaving the kids and I over a year ago.  Grief again.   Losing a spouse to sin, somehow doesn't seem to compare to the grief losing a young brother to cancer, but it is still hard.   Pressing through that grief requires a different skill set.  I was okay, better than I expected, but I was barely through the deep grief of losing Daron and immediately required to pull it together so I could help my kids through their own grief.  Hard.  Plain and simple.

I don't think it's possible to live on this earth and escape grief.  It touches us all. And it's always hard.  But it doesn't last forever.   Thank you Lord!

One thing that really suffered after losing Daron and Victor was my running.  I just simply couldn't run.  I don't know exactly why, but I couldn't. When I would try to run it felt like my feet were made of cement and my heart would physically hurt.

During the past 2-3 months, I've been able to run again!! Today, I conquered a 5 mile run in hot, steamy weather.  I'm not fast, but I can do it again.   This leaves me feeling thankful and triumphant.  It feels like the veil of grief has finally stepped aside for a bit and I am free again. 

Thank you Lord for carrying me through this valley.  Thank you Lord for the friends, neighbors, teachers, childcare providers, pastor, church, and family who have helped my through these challenging years.

I am so very thankful for my life, even the hard parts.  Gods love has been poured out on us in tangible ways.  I hope to live a life that brings glory to God and that he will use me to walk along others and bring hope and joy into others during periods of grief (like so many who did that for me).   And pray that I won't lose sight of His goodness during future trials and walks with grief.