Life is Good

I think I can honestly say we have found our footing again.  It's a new normal but still good.  I've adjusted to having my four kids with my almost constantly and you know what, they are pretty nice company!

We have been really blessed this fall.

1) Erik tried out for RecPlus Soccer this fall (after not playing soccer for a year) and surprisingly made the team.  I happen to know one of the coaches, who was unaware of what had happened in our house, advocated for him to be on her team.  This team has been such a blessing!  The coaches are wonderful and amazing.  Very, very organized (post lesson plans each week) and kind.  I've almost never heard them raise their voices.   Being on RecPlus, means some travel but it's been almost non-existent this fall.   It also means our practices could have been anywhere in the county - guess where our practice takes place?  2 miles from our house.  This team will continue through the spring.  Thank you Lord!

2)  Teachers - I am so thankful that all three kids have wonderful teachers this year.  We've had Carson and Lainey's teachers before and I love them both.  Erik, who I was most concerned about, also seems to have a great teacher and is back to really enjoying school again.  Thank you Lord!

3)  Friends - Lainey's favorite activity is gymnastics.  I take her one day a week, but the second day conflicts with Erik's games.  My friend, who also happens to be a single mom, happily takes Lainey with her each week as one of her girls has class with Lainey.   Lainey LOVES this girl time each week.

4) Church- We switched churches right after Daron passed away.  This might have been kind a knee jerk reaction out of some frustration, but it has been a blessed decision.  There is a family there that knows how much Erik likes to read.  They have seven kids (4 whom they just adopted from Ukraine), homeschool them all, and are running our Awana program.  Yet, they take time to think of my kids - bringing Erik books to read most weeks.   Our pastor has also been a big blessing, helping guide me through this transition gracefully.

5) Work - I've been working part-time for 3 years.  I have always loved my job (well there were a few months last fall that were a bit bumpy!) as the doctor I work with is really smart and good at what he does and he really values having me as part of the team.  They have always given me a lot of flexibility which has been wonderful.   I told my administrator what was going on in my house and asked if I could change my schedule -so I start seeing patients an hour earlier and every 20 minutes, instead of every 30 minutes - so I can still see a fair amount of patients, but be able to get home by 4:00 or 4:30 instead of 6:00-7:00.    She had no problem with that at all, even though it required switching around my MA and receptionists hours too.     I also have learned that when/if I need to increase my hours so I have insurance benefits for myself/high income, I will only need to work 20 hours a week (I work 14-15 now).  That seems manageable to me (won't take place until next fall - hopefully- I will work 3 days instead of 2).

6) Childcare - This is our second year with our current sitters.  They are wonderful and go way above and beyond.  Most days when I get home from work the floor has been swept, toys are put away, laundry is folded and sometimes put away.  They are kind and gracious and love my kids.  We have a mom/daughter team who cover my work days and I couldn't be any more thankful for them.  

Kids and I are about to join a bible study Friday nights.  I/we have been part of different bible studies during the past 15 years and I feel kind of lukewarm about them.  Please pray that this new group will be a good fit for me and the kids.

I'm so thankful that God has allowed my to see joy and blessings during this trial.  Please pray the bumps along our journey are minimal!  Thank you.

How have you been blessed recently?

(photo was taken at Baltimore Childrens Museum)

Homework Issues

My poor Erik, has been getting the brunt of my attention the past couple of months.

Aside from the sleeping issues (resolved hopefully), he also struggles with homework.  This has been an issue from the first day he walked into school (pre-k).  Erik is smart but writing has always been a major struggle for him.   When asked to write, anything, he panics and throws a tantrum.

I had dealt with this in the past by carving out one-on-one time each weekend to help him through it in one day so we didn't have to struggle through it during the week.  This year, that's not possible, which actually is probably a blessing because it's forcing me to address the real issue.

I've wondered in the past whether or not his writing reluctance was behavioral or a learning issue.
This year though, I'm pretty sure it is a learning issue.

Erik never fusses about any homework that doesn't involve writing - spelling city, the math website, reading.  His reluctance is only related to writing.

When I ask him what the issue you he says, " I have the answer in my head mom, like my head is a paper, but I can't get it out."

He is a fairly quiet kid, who has never played pretend, told stories, etc.  Basically his expressive language seems to be somewhat delayed.  He's been in counseling, due to the sleep and marriage issues, and his counselor has mentioned to me that he is very slow to answer her questions (has to think before he speaks for quite sometime and seems unable to express how he is feeling aside from being "fine).   He also struggles with tying his shoes and can not tell left from right.

His kindergarten teacher mentioned in two report cards that he was slow to finish his work, seemed distractable.   I spoke with his first grade teacher briefly this week, and she said she had also noticed this last year, primarily in math where he could tell her the answer but really struggled to show his work.

I have told his second grade teacher about our struggles with writing homework and she spoke with the school psychologist who gave her some ideas to try and identify what is the main issue.

This writing issue has never been a true issue at school though because academically erik is ahead of his grade level - so he hasn't had to worry about the actual work, and has been able to focus solely on writing the answers.   As the school work becomes harder, I am really concerned that he will fall behind as he won't immediately know the answers anymore and will have to actually work on the answers PLUS the writing.  Yikes!

So here is what we are doing so far....

1) Mom gave me some very good ideas regarding homework.  She suggested with the reading response homework that instead of using a book he has read that week (his reading is very advanced) he use a book more appropriate to a second grader (Gingerbread Man style book).  This level of book will make figuring out the answers much easier, so he doesn't have to struggle through finding the answer and the writing.

Mom knows Erik and wasn't surprised he was struggling with writing as she has noted his limited expressive language in the past.  She explained that in order to show your work/write, you have to get an idea from your head to paper, which is a more advanced skill than getting your answer from your head to your mouth.   Erik struggles to get the answer from his head to his mouth; so it's no surprise the more advance step (head to paper) has been a big struggle for him. 

This week I had him dictate the answers to me, I wrote them out, and he copied them.  I did the same for him in math and it went SO much better!!!  I am going to do this for a number of weeks.  Then, if it continues to go well, I am going to try to have him look at my written work for a little bit, but then see if he can write the answer on his own.

2) His counselor, who is a elementary school counselor and a licensed pediatric therapist, is going to work through some material she uses for her autistic kids on helping them express their emotions. (Erik isn't autistic, but struggles with some of the same communication skills.)

3) His teacher is aware and watching him for this, early assessments have been put in place.

I feel much better about everything now than I did two weeks ago, because at least we have some things in place to help my little buddy.

The ability to communicate (emotions) is something Victor has always struggled with and was a big part of why our marriage has struggled/failed.  I feel an intense need to equip Erik with these skills as he also really struggles with that.

Please keep my sweet boy in your prayers!

Sleeping Issues

Erik's had sleeping issues for the past 4-5 months.  He falls asleep without any problems but then 4-5 nights a week had been waking up in the middle of the night (3:00-4:00 AM) and couldn't fall back asleep.  

This problem was made worse by his refusal to wake me up; instead he would try and watch TV (we don't have cable -but stream amazon prime).  In order to keep him from having access to screens at night, I learned to shut down the internet when I go to bed, moved all the DVDs we own into my room,  and changed the passwords on our ipad and my phone.

Once his access to screens was fully eliminated he started getting other toys out in the middle of the night, sometimes waking up his siblings, eating.  Clearly making poor choices!

I had talked to him at length about this and he was well aware that his allowed middle of the night activities included reading, waking me up, or just laying in bed.

I spoke to his doctor about it and they suggested we try melatonin.  I was skeptical that this would help as he has no problem falling asleep and melatonin doesn't last for more than 4-5 hours but I gave it a try.   The first 3-4 days it seems to help, but then he was back to his old tricks.

Finally, I found what I think is a solution.  A couple weeks ago, I stumbled upon my "Healthy sleep Habits, Happy Child" book written by Dr. Marc Weissbluth that I had used when my babies were infants.  Low and behold, there is a section on school age kids how wake in the middle of the night! 

His suggestion was that Erik was in bed too long and just could not fall asleep again at 3 AM because he was no longer tired.  He suggested moving back his bedtime significantly.  Erik had typically been going to bed by 8 PM (7:45-8:15).   And I have asked the kids not to leave their rooms before 0700.  So he was in bed(room) around 11 hours.   The typical 8 year old only need approx. 10 hours of sleep.

So, for the past 2 weeks I have put him to bed at 9:00-9:20.  This seems way to late to me but it has been working!!!  I stopped the melatonin at that time too.  And he has never woken up before 5:00 and often sleeps until 7:00.  So much better!!!

He is a much happier, kind child when sleeping 9-10 hours consistently. 

Please pray this solution continues to work!

Thanks!